The Bad Days

Lately I feel empty and heavy all at once.

I had to pry myself out of bed this morning, forcing the day to start.

I’m on autopilot, trying to take care of all of my responsibilities for the day, but my body is aching. I’m not sick, I’m not sore, there’s no reason basic tasks should be this excruciating.

Dishes in the sink. Laundry sitting in the dryer.

Soon it’ll be homework, dinner, bath time, bed time. Then rinse and repeat.

I work again and again and again but the work is never done. The list is infinate, and it’s starting to seem like I will never feel accomplished.

The stress is balling itself up into knots in my back and shoulders. How do I relax with so much to be done still? So much left on the plate. Most of the time I swallow it all down and try to keep going, but I’m starting to feel sick. The vomit is coming on, I can’t hold it all in anymore.

I’m breaking down. My bones are even too much to carry at this point. My eyes grow heavier and it’s so hard to keep them open.

I’m working hard yet disappointing everyone all at once. This pain is solid, I’m falling.

So many people depend on me. I hate myself for causing distress, how do I say it’s not you, it’s me?

How do I even begin to explain how tired I am of being in this skin? How I’m tired of thinking in this mind, I’m tired of the hurt in this heart. I don’t want to bother anyone with my pain, because I know they have their own.

Lately. I’m craving what it’s like to feel weightless. Stress free and content. All I wanna do is sleep, because it’s the only time I don’t feel all of this.

I don’t wanna die. I’m trying to hang on to a point where it feels easier, I’m trying to keep hope, but I’m dozing off.

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